Sometimes you feel like you are the only one going through this crazy hard trial. The sad and nice thing is there are parents out there who know almost exactly how you feel. Finding them is the trick. Feel free to google grief support groups. That’s a good start.
We’ve had many people ask where can they get a copy of this book. Here are some of the easiest ways to purchase a copy:
Grass Roots Book Store at 227 SW 2nd St., Corvallis, Oregon. They are available in store or at http://www.grassrootsbookstore.com/
Broadway Books at 1714 NE Broadway St, Portland, OR 97232
J Michaels Books at 160 E Broadway, Eugene, OR
Barnes and Noblehttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/finding+life+after+losing+o…
Corvallis Public Library http://library.ci.corvallis.or.us/… life after losing one
Benton County Historical Museum (gift store-main floor) in Philomath, Oregon
You can also purchase a copy from Nikki King or Alice Rampton directly. These copies can be signed and personalized for someone. We sell them at $9 per copy plus postage for those outside of Corvallis. We have given many copies away for free, but we are limited in that regard. We hope this book bring peace and solace to families in need.
Alice stepped into Doernbecher Hospital the other day and a wave of emtions came flooding back. How is it that after 30 years these triggers can still come? For me, it’s the smell of hospitals that brings back memories so vividly.
My dear friend wrote this post to me. It’s so real and raw that I wanted to share it. The ache for a loved one is so very real.
I cried for a week straight, that deep groaning cry Alice described, the deep animalistic type that arises from the very depths of your soul. I cried this way until I fell asleep,…and sometimes at work and would have to excuse myself and would hide in a closet until I could collect myself enough to go back to my desk.
I had lost a huge part of myself,…and felt I would never again be the same…ever…
Several years went by, and I was numb to most things. I didn’t enjoy spending time with friends, birthdays and holidays weren’t the same. I didn’t Feel,…for I would say a good 4-5 years afterward. After that week of crying, I didn’t cry again, for years. It took a long time to realize that life was emotionally survivable without her…
As passengers on an airplane, we are told to put the oxygen mask first on our own face and then to focus on getting the oxygen mask on our child’s face. This principle can apply to the survival tactics associated with grief. It’s difficult to find strength to support anyone, even our own children, if we have no strength to support ourselves. So, first, we need to suck in as much oxygen as we can and then go to our children and provide them with oxygen, as well. This doesn’t mean that we should expect our hearts and minds to be healed before we reach out to surviving children. In fact, when a death occurs in a family, the entire family needs oxygen as soon as possible.
Grief is not a mental illness, but rather a process in which there’s lots of room to heal at your own pace. There is no overnight “fix,” but with time you’ll grow to deal with your grief and pain in rational, healthy ways. Some of these methods to help in the healing process may be therapy, support groups, healthy outlets and/or medication. Thereapy, support groups, healthy outlets, sometimes medication.
I hope for those who are suffering at this time that they find peace in this book. That it brings hope of a more uplifting and happy future.
“I’m so sorry.”
Immediately following the death of a child, this is all you need to say. There is no perfect phrase to ease the pain, but heartfelt sympathy and a hug is sometimes all that’s needed to show your condolences. Then, help! There are myriads of details to be taken care of after a child dies, and often the parents are in shock—dazed and in a heavy fog. They may not even know what their needs are. Create a list of specific things that might need to be done and ask them which of these things they would like you (or others) to do.
- Help make phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the death. This can be very difficult for a grieving parent to do over and over again.
- Pick up family or friends from airports, train stations, etc. who may be coming from out of town.
- Create a program for the memorial service that can be given out to those who attend.
- Obtain a guest book or make one. Encourage those who come to the service to sign in. Later, the parents will appreciate the reminder of who attended.
- Provide flowers for the casket or tables at the service.
- Take photos of the memorial service and/or graveside service.
- Make a recording of the service.
- Create a video of the child’s life.
- Compile a collage of the child’s photos.
- Help select clothing if the child is to be buried.
- Help clean the house.
- Ask if you can wash, iron, dry clean, or repair any clothing that family members are planning to wear to the service.
- Wash the car.
- Mow the lawn.
- Stay at the family’s home while they’re at the service. There have been rare cases when homes have been burglarized during a memorial service by someone who checked the time of the service in an obituary notice.
- Provide food for family and guests.
- Provide a gift certificate to a restaurant to cover the cost of a meal for the family so they don’t have to worry about meal preparation or clean-up for one evening.
More ideas to come.
Grass Roots Books and Music in Corvallis, Oregon is hosting our first Book Reading and Signing!
You are invited and here are the details:
Date: Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Time: 7:00-8:15 pm
Location: 227 S.W. 2nd Street, Corvallis, OR 97333
Books will be available for sale and we are happy and honored to sign your copy.
We hope to see you there!