You are normal

Grief is not a mental illness, but rather a process in which there’s lots of room to heal at your own pace. There is no overnight “fix,” but with time you’ll grow to deal with your grief and pain in rational, healthy ways. Some of these methods to help in the healing process may be therapy, support groups, healthy outlets and/or medication. Thereapy, support groups, healthy outlets, sometimes medication.

Amazon Review

Thank you, Kara Becerra, for your personal and poignant review on Amazon Books:

“I started to read this book out of interest to the topic (though I have not myself lost a child), and I was amazed at how helpful this book has been for me in my own grieving process after losing my dad a couple of months ago. Though the book speaks specifically to dealing with the loss of a child, I feel like a lot of the book can be generalize to the grief in general. I also so grateful that I was able to learn about ways that I can support a friend or family member when they are experiencing the loss of a child or other family member. I have already bought several copies to share with family members and friends who have experienced the loss of a child. This book is informative yet to the point, which will make it a realistic read to someone who has experienced loss who may not have the time energy for too much information.”

Grass Roots Reading and Signing

Thank you to Sandy Smith and Jack Wolcott, owners of Grass Roots Books in Corvallis, Oregon, for their warm hospitality at our first reading and signing.  They were great and so were the 50 attendees who came.  We appreciate everyone’s wonderful support. 40 books were sold and we hope that means 40 grieiving parents and/or family members are going to feel comforted and know that they are not alone.  Grass Roots photo

Have you wondered what to say to your friend or family member who just lost their child? Most people don’t know what to do. So here it is: 

“I’m so sorry.”

Immediately following the death of a child, this is all you need to say. There is no perfect phrase to ease the pain, but heartfelt sympathy and a hug is sometimes all that’s needed to show your condolences. Then, help! There are myriads of details to be taken care of after a child dies, and often the parents are in shock—dazed and in a heavy fog. They may not even know what their needs are. Create a list of specific things that might need to be done and ask them which of these things they would like you (or others) to do.

  • Help make phone calls to family and friends to inform them of the death. This can be very difficult for a grieving parent to do over and over again.
  • Pick up family or friends from airports, train stations, etc. who may be coming from out of town.
  • Create a program for the memorial service that can be given out to those who attend.
  • Obtain a guest book or make one. Encourage those who come to the service to sign in. Later, the parents will appreciate the reminder of who attended.
  • Provide flowers for the casket or tables at the service.
  • Take photos of the memorial service and/or graveside service.
  • Make a recording of the service.
  • Create a video of the child’s life.
  • Compile a collage of the child’s photos.
  • Help select clothing if the child is to be buried.
  • Help clean the house.
  • Ask if you can wash, iron, dry clean, or repair any clothing that family members are planning to wear to the service.
  • Wash the car.
  • Mow the lawn.
  • Stay at the family’s home while they’re at the service. There have been rare cases when homes have been burglarized during a memorial service by someone who checked the time of the service in an obituary notice.
  • Provide food for family and guests.
  • Provide a gift certificate to a restaurant to cover the cost of a meal for the family so they don’t have to worry about meal preparation or clean-up for one evening.

More ideas to come.

Author Reading and Signing Coming Up on January 26, 2016

We are excited to announce that Grass Roots Music and Book Store in Corvallis, Oregon will be hosting an “Author Reading and Signing” for the new release of “Finding Life After Losing One: A Parent’s Guide for When a Child Dies.”

Here are the details:

When: Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Where: Grass Roots Books and Music

Address: 227 SW 2nd Street, Corvallis, OR 97333

Time: 7:00-8:15 pm

Nikki and Alice will be reading excerpts from the book, answering questions and signing copies which will be available for sale.

We hope to see you there!

Grief hurts

Grief is a normal yet highly personal response to loss. Neither an illness nor a pathological condition, it is a natural process that, depending on how it is managed and understood, can lead to healing and personal growth.



Parent to Parent

Real, practical, helpful tips and tricks to dealing with grief. Do you hate the question, “How many kids do you have as much as I do?” Well, there’s a list of ways to answer these gut wrenching questions. Parent to parent I really needed advice. I needed guidance when I hit rock bottom. I needed another parent’s point of view who had been there and knew what I was feeling.

What’s in this book?

This book is a survival manual for parents and loved ones who have lost a child. It is not your typical book on grief management. This is written for parents by parents. There are places to write in the margins, add personal notes, or highlight tips to help with grief. It is for parents from all walks of life and those with various belief systems. Parents across the United States were interviewed who have experienced the death of a child. Their thoughts and suggestions are included each chapter. Some of their children lived only a few hours while others lived into their forties. Their deaths are as varied as their ages and the causes include accident, cancer, suicide, disease, and murder. There are a variety of subjects covered in the book including guilt, intimacy, emotional triggers, ways to memorialize your child, dealing with anger and regret, and healthy healing. Suggestions are included for friends and family members who want to offer appropriate support to those grieving. The reader will know they are not alone and that they can find purpose once again with a positive outlook. The authors speak from personal experience with loss and feel that the messages in the book will provide a sense of peace, comfort, purpose and a new fresh perspective on life.